As I am typing this, I can’t believe that I am about to be this vulnerable and raw on the internet as I am. 2018 was very tough for me. I had to overcome several hardships and outside forces working against me. This year almost broke me. If it hadn’t had been for my family, friends, and the blog, I don’t think I would still be here. I have felt like this year that I have been watching my life barreling towards an oncoming train, and there is nothing that I can do to get off the tracks. It all started at the end of 2017, I had been released from physical therapy with no resolution to my hip pain (I’ll explain this in another blog post), my work environment had started to deteriorate, and my marriage wasn’t on solid ground. As 2018 continued, each month it just got worse. I was trying my very best at my job, being a wife, and friend, but it seemed like no matter how hard I tried it was never good enough. It seemed like something always went wrong and it my fault, or I was always to blame.
My hip pain had become 24/7. Every time I tried to work out or run, I end up making it worse. I have always struggled with my weight. Running had become my stress reliever, my me time. Since I didn’t have that anymore, I began to pack on the pounds. I have always had a sweet tooth, and I just lost all my self-control. I didn’t have energy. I began to hate myself and the way I looked. I began not to recognize who I was becoming, but I couldn’t stop my bad eating habits.
The hardest part of this year was my job. My work environment became super unhealthy. It got to the point where I came home defeated and crying every day. I felt like a complete failure. I began to question everything. Did I choose the right career path? Is it too late to start over with a new occupation? I didn’t know. I had always known since I was a freshman in high school that this was what I wanted to do.
As if that wasn’t enough, we had several financial hurdles to face. I totaled my car. Then the car we purchased ended up being a terrible investment and spent thousands having to fix it. Our air conditioning unit in our home went out and had to get an entirely new one. All of this began to put a strain on my marriage. Also, Jeffrey’s grandmother and my grandfather have been in out of the hospital this year.
I began to spiral into a dark place. All I could think was that I’m not smart enough, creative enough, have enough experience, pretty enough, fit enough, fun enough, likable enough, or good enough. I wasn’t enough.
By the end of 2018, everything became too much. I was drowning. Then a few weeks before Christmas, I parted ways with my job. As the stress lifted from being in such a negative environment for so long, I began to be able to breathe again. I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
During this midst of all this, I decided to do something out of the box for me. I started the blog. I had been dreaming of doing something to express my interest to connect and share with others to have a positive space to share uplifting stories. I am so excited about all the fun stuff I have planned for the blog in 2019.
I am putting the negativity of 2018 behind me and looking forward to a new year in 2019. I do have to say a BIG thank you to my family and friends this year who have been so kind and supportive! Don’t get me wrong; this year has had some great moments as well. We celebrated birthdays, our 5th wedding anniversary, Jeffrey turned 30, I went parasailing and took a ride in a hot air balloon, we took a fantastic trip to St. Louis, went camping with friends, and made great memories.
I am writing this for those of you who feel like you aren’t good enough. To let you know that you are good enough even when you are drowning and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even when the world is trying to knock you down, take it from someone who has walked through the fire this year. You can come out on top! Only if you believe that you can do it and put in the hard work to make whatever you want to happen. If you need someone to cheer you on, know that I am always here! You can always direct message me or email me!
Finally, I want to say thank you to each one of you who have supported me on this journey. Whether that is reading blog posts, shopping the links, liking or commenting on my post, or following me on social media. Every single one of you means the world to me. I will never be able to express how much I appreciate each of you!